@bodyguard4JandJ started a Wordpress account and I left a comment which is still awaiting moderation.
 In the meantime, I figured my loyal followers deserved an explanation regarding my lengthy scarcity here. Some of you know why, most of you don’t. Besides the chaos in my personal life, I’ve had to step back and take a look at how I feel about the show. Below is the comment I left on his page, for better or for worse. Be WARNED! There are spoilers for the coming season referenced in the comment below! If you have not seen spoilers for season 8 and do not want to, read no farther!

I’ve been looking at spoilers for the coming season and I’m not sure if I can take much more of this. In fact, I’m pretty positive I can’t.  I love the Js, I want to support them no matter what they do. They have given so much to the fans, they always make us feel like we’re a part of it and I think most of us know how special that is. I think that’s probably mainly what’s been keeping me hanging on these last 2 seasons. Wanting to back THEM, wanting to support THEM. Because the show? Not the show I fell in love with. I fell in love with a show about two brothers who travel the country, saving people, killing the evil in the world. Now? It’s a show about a fallen angel who sometimes hangs out with these two guys who barely like each other. They’re not brothers anymore, they’re barely business associates. The writers keep promising us it’ll get back to Dean-n-Sam, back to “saving people, hunting things”, back to MotW and not so bogged down in all this other stuff that sucked the life out of the family these two once had (and a good number of the fans, too). They keep promising they’ll get back to being brothers, and yet Sam doesn’t even bother to look for Dean, even (arguably) knowing where he is. That’s not brothers. I have a brother, I know what I would do for him. I don’t think the writers know what we’re asking for when we ask for them to be brothers again, or they just don’t want to give it to us. The Winchesters don’t need any more monkey wrenches in their “relationship” because they no longer have one. And I miss that. I miss the show I loved. I want to support the Js, I want to love the show, I want to be as big a fangirl as I’ve been in the past, but I just don’t know anymore. And I know I’m just one fan, and I really feel like my opinion doesn’t make a bit of difference to anyone anywhere at this point, but I had to say my piece before I decide whether to walk away or not. JAckles and JarPad haven’t let me down, but the writers sure as hell have.

Granted, I’m not WinchesterBros or Salted&Burned, but I’ve put a LOT of time, energy and my own resources into the fansites here and other pages I’ve created for the show. Those people who, any time you voice a dissenting opinion, come back with “well, if you don’t like it why don’t you just stop watching?” annoy me. If I didn’t give a damn about the characters, the show, the crew, the cast, ALL of it, I WOULD have walked away when I first had the overwhelming impulse to - while watching Live Free or Twihard. But I didn’t. Because I do care. That doesn’t mean I have to like and/or agree with the writers, or even the popular vote. I think what the writers are doing with Sam right now is unforgivable. I’ve always said you can’t love one brother and not the other, because of the love they have for one another. But that’s no longer true. I think that’s completely unfair to the characters. And to us. But that’s just my opinion, and I know it’s not a common one. It’s not even a particularly popular one. But it’s mine and I’m entitled to it. Right now, my heart is broken for the show I’ve loved so much.

(Source: ourwinchesterboys)

The Facebook page is coming along - still needs some work but I’m getting there. Have a look, “like” if you like it: www.facebook.com/OurWinchesterBoys

(Source: ourwinchesterboys)

I just realized there’s nearly 200 of you. o.O When I first started this fan page so many months ago I didn’t anticipate even 1/10th of that number. Now, call me optimistic, but I’m thinking ahead to what to do should 2 more SPNFamily members decide to come along for the ride. Seems like I should do something to thank you all for being so awesome!

Hmmm…

(Source: ourwinchesterboys)

So now that it’s been pointed out to me again, I’ve been thinking of the line “The dark bruise-like smudges under his eyes and parchment-pale skin accentuating his freckles like tiny faerie footprints across his cheeks and nose.” and I was just struck with a stray thought, as I often am. Yes it left a mark.

I wonder if there’s an artist out there who might be intrigued by the idea of Dean sleeping while teeny tiny faeries wander his face leaving freckles behind, lured in and captivated by his adorableness while he sleeps.

Okay, that was so cutesie I’ve made myself nauseous - I’m going to go throw up now.

(Source: ourwinchesterboys)

I really detest that Sam has walked away yet again, after finally admitting way back in season 5 he “was wrong, every single time [he] did”. Apparently nothing was learned and the writers have short memories.

It did get me wondering, though, how many h/c writers saw the proverbial lightbulb go off. You know the formula: Dean and Sam fracture, Dean takes on a nearly impossible job to distract himself from being alone and/or punish himself for “letting Sam down” somehow, Sam gives in after a few days of solitude, tries to call Dean, gets no answer, goes looking for him, finds him horribly injured/held captive/about to be sacrificed/all of the above, all is forgiven/forgotten in the face of “holy shit I could actually lose my brother for real”, cue TLC and apologies.

Or maybe I’ve just had tummytrauma!Dean on the brain too much lately?

(Source: ourwinchesterboys)

With everything that’s been going on lately: being sick, failed drive, deaths - think everything is catching up with me.  Probably being so damn overtired isn’t helping either.

Think I need to find a tasty fic somewhere to brighten my mood. *goes hunting*

Lost a family friend a couple days ago. With my grandfather and one of my uncles banging on death’s door, it really kinda hit home pretty hard. So today I am curled in the corner with pencil and paper, bleeding black and white and trying to make sense of things that make no sense at all. I am logged out of all of the social networks and, as of this post, I am logging out of Tumblr too. Hope you are all having a better weekend.

I tried to sleep last night, wasn’t feeling well to begin with. I lay in bed for I don’t even know how long having wave after wave of panic attacks and I couldn’t figure out why. My life has plenty enough stress in it, but nothing was really “different” about last night to any other in the last few weeks. Or so I thought. I found out this morning that a friend of mine was hurt last night. All I really want at this moment is to hug the stuffing out of her and to beat the everlovin’ hell out of the one who hurt her. I hate being so far away from people I care about.

And I know it sounds a little crazy to know when someone you care about is in trouble, but I blame my great grandmother who used to scare the BEJEEZUS out of me with her premonitions. I sometimes wonder if Dean would stick a knife in me for my “oddities”. Probably best not to think about it….

(Source: ourwinchesterboys)

Trying to focus, I have so much writing to do, but I feel like I’m being pulled apart.  Been looking for pictures to make me smile, but nothing seems to be working.  So I sit here staring at a half-written page and wonder what it will take.